today.

i just want to curl up in a ball.

Today i went to the wantage museum.

i had alot of fun haha
& choked twice...


;)


today i feel v. happy. :)

i'm a lion hear me roar.

laast night, me and jazz went out to get very extremely drunk.
rachel came over, then we went out and met danny etc.
we went for a walk in the rain. whilst casually drinking.
i managed to drink a whole bottle of vodka... ROOKIE MISTAKE.
i don't really remember much.. i remember being on the phone to matt, then talking to james, my brother from another mother, who was trying to make me come to wantage.
i dont even know what i was saying to matt, or james..
then max phoned me. and jamie was calling me a stupid fucking bitch down the phone. i cant really remember what i replied.. i just remember hanging up.

then after that.. i just remember collaspsing on my bed, and not being able to get up without feeling about to vom. and not being able to read the texts i was getting...
i dont remember anything from then on... until my dad found me sat on my bathroom floor.
lovely.
i called in sick at work. slept til two ish.

i still feel rough. bad times. but hey! good photos....

Northampton.

so today i had an interview at northampton uni.


they said they loved my work, & that i'll definately get into the other places i've applied to. & if they don't accept me, then they're blind. :)
so i got in!! :)
they also commented on my personality... when i'd only been there for... five minutes?
so i'm guessing it was my personal statement they got that from.. i hope.
the reeeeally fit one from the ucas fair, which jazz made me talk to interviewed me aswell as some old guy.
maan he's gorgeous. :)
i'm so tempted to just go there... just to stare at. stalker much?!
i was so nervous. when i was sat in emmas car i didnt want to move. i couldn't stop shaking. then i coulnd't stop talking. i've also realised then when i'm nervous i bite the inside of my lip.. i now have a sexy cut there.
some guy turned up for his interview in a tux. hah :)

i also reaaally fancy going to the skins party they're throwing in bristol? :)
someone fancy coming with?


thankyou so much for your LOVELY texts to calm me down & checking i was okay!

i lied. soz.

TODAY I GOT A DISTINCTION!! :D
oh hell yes. i'm daaamn happy. :) les, was saying how she loved my cd covers, and how intricate all the details were, like the measurements and how i chose to use a newspaper from the decade as the background whereas others would have just picked a random newspaper for the background :) she also said it was like a real graphic designers work! :D
that's the best compliment i've had in ages.

today was just getting better and better.
then i sorted out my portfolio out. added some more stuff :) before i go tomo, i just need to mount some other things then i'm sorted. :)

but then i came home.
i told my dad i got a distinction... he didn't seem that impressed.
we had pasta again for tea. ffs. i swear noone has imagination anymore.
plus. helena kept staring at me... i caught her staring at my boobs at one point. i wish she'd fuck off.
and, she does fuck all. and my dad always complains that i don't do anything. i do loads. but he never even notices, one time i said that my art was more important at that moment, he got well shitty and said i needed to sort my prioritys out. fuck that. i actually want to get into uni.
helena can go hurt herself. fucking chav. EURGH. i actually hate her.
go crawl in a hole.

i'm such a dick at times.

i will always need nat guilly in my life forever to calm me down.


i feel LOADS better now. :)

fml

i can't be asked with feeling like this anymore.
so i'm not going to come online much anymore, cause then i start feeling like shit.
so this'll be my last blog for a while.

i decided last night, i'm not going to let stupid things get me down... even when i expect them.
& i'm not going to tell people my feelings as much anymore, cause it just gets me into trouble,  and i always feel stupid after saying something i really feel. so no. not anymore. i hate the feeling i get after i do that.
i feel SO embarrased its unreal.

so yeah, the ball's your court now. you have my number. i'm too embarrassed to talk to you.


today, wasn't bad. bit of a waste of time, didn't have any set lessons, so i just went in, printed some stuff off.. then went home. & me and jazz bought a pic n mix each.
i felt sick after my giant blue dolphin so i havent eaten any since... i'm not even a quarter of the way through yet. aha.
i had a driving lesson too.. my driving instructor made me pick up his daughter and i drove her home. haha.
not baaad.
also, someone's been wearing my hoody, it smells reeally girlie and not my perfumey smell :/
noones worn this hoody since chris... apart from me, and i've obviously washed it since him.
eurgh.

assessment tomo. i'm trying to get all my work done. but i keep getting distracted.


why is when something really good happens? something ALWAYS has to fuck it up?

shouldn't go but i've lost my judgement.

I HAD THE BEST EVER MUFFIN TODAY.

i won't lie to you. i could have gone and bought another!

& that's saying something, due to my laziness! :)

it was like sex in a muffin case.

god bless sainsburys.

i'm so glad lucy's calmed me down.

& that photo.... that's given me the determination.

fuck you. actually not. cause you've prob got a disease.

LETS DO THIS!

think of you later in my empty room.

so i'm sat here. listening to my ipod, on shuffle, trying to actually finish my illustration (yay).
i did have plans... but!
Max has broken his collarbone.
so he went to the JR and I got my dad to come get me, after chatting to Kat for about half an hour & seeing my grandaughter (Rich)
then Max phones me and says that he needs surgery on his shoulder 'cause it's really badly broken... and the doctors haven't seen a broken collarbone like that like ever!
bloody typical to be honest.
and it's his right arm. heh. i wonder how he'll cope... i just hope he's okay really.
but i guess this means he can't come to northampton with me anymore.. :/ anyone want to come with?!

my dad asked me in the car on the way home, why max is now my new best friend.... my reply was... dunno probably cause we saw each other at some party, we were both drunk and started talking again...
:) smooooth.

So at work today, we've now been allocated "departments" like 915, shoes... etc. to like sort out and tidy and be in charge of.
mine is "yes yes jeans." pretty much the biggest, most important thing in the store. so thankyou.
i want a badge to say that i'm in charge of that part. :) i bet i won't thou.
but i hope i do... hannah's in charge of mirrors... as in cleaning them... but i thought the cleaner was paid to do that.. howev, i did say that her arms would get well toned from cleaning them every shift hah :)
i like mine... 'cause i get to decide what jeans go on the jean table. haha :) oh yeaaaah..

i'm kinda glad i'm not going out tonight, i just want to curl up in a ball really...

thankyou VERY much.

 thanks for lying to me... you're so two faced, I thought better of you. thanks.
i won't fill you in on what's happening in my life anymore, seeing as you can't be arsed with me...


forget it.

Today i had my romance tarot cards read..

And my overall romance tarot reading is this....

"A gentlemen, father, passionate, generous, noble, a good leader"

which either means, i'm meeting someone new... or that i'm a gentleman.

lovely stuff.

howev, i dunno if ange who was reading them, was doing it correct... ohwell :)

i wonder if i'll have a gentlemen come into my life. a passionate one at that?!

we'll see haa.

i'm also getting loadsa viruses on my laptop. i just found three... fuckers.

this last week's been pretty good, even the two extra marks i have on my body. :)

i hope work goes quickly tomo, i can't wait to go out... i hope the boys dont die thou. cause otherwise it'll ruin my night thanks.

today on the way home, some really smelly people got on the bus, i seriously could NOT breathe, i literally wretched about three times?! people should learn to wash... or use deoderent.

sick sick sick people!

i'm so fed up of art and being ill right now.

i miss you.

:)

i'm quite grumpy right now.


but i can't help but smile.  (L)



p.s your contacts make you look like a dick. and noone likes you.

maaaan you're gorgeous..

Today i made this...

however, i started to feel slightly sick after drinking half of this, so i gave up, and took it downstairs.

i slipped on my stairs. fell. and let go of the mug, and let it go flying down, with all the contents, the hot chocolate, the sticky marshmallows and the whipped cream and smash onto the floor. it was messy. and the mug broke. it was my favourite mug :(

bad bad times. actually dark times. torso times.

anyway, apart from that, me and jazz trekked down to the bus stop to get the bus for college... it didn't turn up, and we didn't really want to put our lives in the hands of the druggy/grumpy bus drivers. so we walked to sainsburys to get stuff for the hot chocolates :)

then i trekked home, and fell asleep whist watching tv, and woke up with a numb hip/bum... i dunno what part of my body it was...

Today's been a pretty productive day, i've done colour exp's of my illustration, i'm gonna do the text tomo, painted my screens... which i'll do the sketching of the design  onto it, in a bit. i even attempted to do my photog...

which i got really angry at. cause no matter how much i tried... the transfer wouldn't stick to the fabric. even the iron leaked onto the transfer which fucked it up.

so i gave up and threw it in the bin.

tomoo, i need to do some mounting. and hopefully if i can get to college, by some six sheet card.

then talk to my dad about getting to northampton. i kinda really hope comes with me.

right now. i'm so happy.

today, i thought when i was leaving work.. how many notes i touched with drugs on & how much i had on my hands...

yep. my life really is that interesting.
right now, i'm feeling unbelievably tired, i didn't go to sleep til gone 3 am this morning.
the only girl in jason's loft, with, tim, max, matt and jack. feeling slightly vunerable? yes. ha :)
i had a really weird dream, that something was marked onto my chest, and i couldnt see what it was...
then i just woke up.. as if i was falling. it was pretty damn strange.
but saturday night was pretty good. saw some interesting people. had some interesting conversations :)
even thou i was very very tired.

i always start writing blogs. then get distracted and bored and can never be bothered to finish.
another thing i'm lazy with. like food. i cba to feed myself anymore. unless i think i really need to... yep.
lazy.

today was crap.

l-l-let the bass kick.

i'm not suprised you'd do this. you always do. this is what? the third or fourth time now? just be honest, you do or you don't. just don't drag me along anymore.


"it's not in what you say or what you do... it's the way i feel when i'm with you."




LOL this just made me laugh.... chris chadwick has now deleted me off facebook ;)

tomorrow,

i'm phoning northampton to say i can't do the interview.


& i really. really. liked it there.

I HAVE TO POST THIS.

THIS IS THE BEST COME BACK I THINK I'VE EVER COME OUT WITH :D

i am so proud of myself. :)

i need a new book.

'cause i have nothing to do anymore. apart from come on here and chat shit, or watch more shit on the tv.
so someone buy me one?

today, it was snow day, i was going to go to wantage, but couldn't. i was going to go see my godmum. but couldnt.
but me and jazz had a better day :)
god knows how many times we nearly fell over... :)
we went and saw the rock and then went back to hers and had some food.
i have now rekindled my love for cheese triangles.

sexxaay ladies ;)

i hope the weather gets better... i could really do with getting to work saturday. & plus i was planning on doing stuff that night too.

also, you can fuck off with you trying to make yourself sound better than everyone else. you're only doing it cause you're not happy with your own life you need to make it sound better in your head and on paper.

FUCK OFF

i was just looking at some photos, they make me feel.... not worth it, inadequate & a slightly teeny weeny bit jealous.

i've been told my blogs are boring.

But tbh, how am i supposed to make them interesting?



i threw a snowball at max today. it felt good ;)

i've just taken the bandage off my knee.. it wasn't doing much...

for once in your life, just be straight with me.

i hate it when my phone vibrates and i can't find it on my bed.

Today i created this piece of art... can you tell who it is yet? :)
it's jazz lying on the floor... if you hadn't guessed. :)
i bled for this. cause i cut it when i flipped the stencil knife thinking it was a pencil.. and i think it looks pretty good... even thou i cut off her shouder :)
makes me feel like roy lichtenstein :) haha
it was pretty fun taking random photos for the project. matt took one of me under a disabled persons sign haha :) apparently i'm a good person to take photos of cause i'm so funny looking.
lovely.
so in the past two days i've been called little miss chat shit and a funny looking person...
i'm now seeing why i'm single.
i'm just so weird.


it's taking me so long to write this blog...

i cba anymore.

dum dum dum

everytime i get built up, i get dropped again.


kinda like a balloon.

today i got a new nickname...

went to rich's 18th shindig yesturday, 'cept i felt like crap, i was still shattered from new years, cause i didn't sleep much on the friday cause of the stupid family meal - which was shit btw, and i got a hideous necklace, which i'm never going to wear... and an art nouvou book. which wasnt too bad.

anyway, back to the party, i really wasn't in the mood, i felt like crap. i wanted to curl up in a ball i was that sleepy. and someone hurt my knee.. well, pushed their chair into it. bad times. and i wasnt in the mood to drink, when am i ever not in the mood to drink?! something must have been up. then like you know when you're feeling shit, and someone keeps asking "what's wrong?! come oooon? what's up? what's it to do with? a boy? work? your dad? gimme the first letter." whenever someone does that... i just stand there and stare at the person asking me. people annoy me. and jamie kept asking me to get into photos. and i really couldnt be bothered. so i asked my sister to come get me earlier. then went home got into bed, then cried.
today wasn't much better either, there was only 4 of us in. bit of a doss day, we had nothing to do really.
then right at the end, it got dead busy when we went to close. i hate it when that happens. :(
then i drove home... and had the shittest tea.
i mean, like i didnt have a shit enough day already, its like the worst thing to come home too.
stew and fucking dumplings. i thought it was going to be a roast... it's always the same. every sunday, it's always a roast or fucking stew and fucking dumplings.
plus frances proper fucked me off. i was actually thinking in my head when i was sat next to her, picking up my chair and smashing it into her head. or punching her in the face.
maaaan she grinds my gears.
haha :)
the one thing thats actually made me smile today.. was when max called me "little miss chat shit."
it's like my very own version of a little miss and mr men character :)
wickkked.
i'm pretty happy now.

i also saw someone today who has a really nice smile :)

i really really REALLY

wish what helen said is true.

pleeeeeeeeease <3

my new years resolution is... "to stop being such a pussy & man the fuck up."

oh hell yessss ;)
so last night was new years. i got extremely drunk too quickly.
helen got so drunk she couldnt walk so me and rosie ended up going out without her...
rosie made me wear heels. big mistake. i fell over so many times i cut my leg open. i didn't even realise til meg shouted ohhh you're bleeding. then that just set me off.
to sum the night up...
-i had a panic attack.
-i was bleeding.
-i saw gemma break the toilet seat cause she was so drunk.
-me and rosie were going to walk to wantage, but we got lost in a caravan park..
i think that's all the shinanigans! :)

this is how rather drunk i was.

the other night we all went to the four candles... when i say we all... i mean, me, jazz, tiff, india, matt, mark and mike.

we all got pretty drunk.

good night had by all i think....