i have no title for this.

so today, i spent 5 hours drawing a still life piece, when everyone had finished within the first hour or so.
mine took bloody ages.
in the end, i didn't like it, because i'd been staring at it for so long. and plus i'd realised the mask i was drawing &  shading ended up looking like it had had a stroke on one side of it's face.. it was just the bumps in the mask. but still. i can't believe it took my 5 hours.. i think it was that anyway....

when i got home i got a letter from Lynn, my mum's best friend. she's pretty wickked. she does dowsing and heals peoples with stones. but she's so funny. she said in her letter that she wants my children to call her granny lynn. :) i love her.
anyway...
in the letter, she'd written her memories of my mum. and to those reading my blog who don't know me.
my mum died when i was 8. from breast cancer. and this year, it'll be10 years since her death.
i never talk about her because it hurts so much. & typing this, is making my cry for the first time in ages. & tbh it's making me wonder why i'm even writing it at all.
my dad's getting re-married in april. i already live with her & her kids. but i don't know how i'm going to stand sitting there and watching him getting married to another woman.

now my eyes are all sticky from crying. fuck mascara.
i'm off to eat some chicken nuggets.